Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. Okay, let’s switch back to chatting with everyone thinking about “break-up suicide” (because this is a human problem, not just a man problem): If you’re feeling these things, you’re not “less of a man.” Because even though you may feel emasculated, your identity is NOT based on your penis, it’s based on your humanity. Because as a human being, you’re capable of crying, of feeling worthless, of rejection, depression, and asking forgiveness, and coming out on the other side with your identity intact. And these emotions - as strong as they are now, and as impossible as they are right now - are apart of you as a human being, and they’re okay. I’m sorry that we live in a culture of toxic masculinity.
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When we feel grief, or rejection, or worthlessness, depression, or real guilt we have absolutely little idea how to deal with it. We’ve been taught that it’s not masculine to express our feelings unless those feelings are anger (and then it’s somehow okay). And if they do, they try to hide it like something’s wrong with it. I’ve seen men get angry, but cry? Sometimes. Let me speak to the men for a minute before I move on. Most (certainly not all) break-up suicides are men … usually young men.
The remaining 10% are those who are suffering from a physical illness and don’t want to continue with their pain (that 10 % is a demographic that I’ve addressed before … suffice it to say, if you’re terminal and you don’t want to prolong the inevitable, you should have the legal right to do so). The majority of suicides (I’d estimate 70% of the ones I’ve seen) are some type of “break-up suicide” (this can involve a romantic breakup that’s either your fault or your partner’s fault a break-up having to do with a job or a sudden break-up of your identity).Īpproximately 20% are from the exhaustive battle with mental illness. We’re in a unique position in that we not only see the physical result of the suicide, but we also hear the personal side as well. They tell us about the deceased’s life, what was going on, the hardships, the possible reasons. Many times the family is still piecing together the puzzle of “why”, but they involve us in the puzzle. Somewhat unlike police, coroners, or anyone else involved in the forensic side of death by suicide, funeral directors usually hear the personal story behind the suicide. There have been some creative ones as well, like slamming the car into tractor trailers (another bad idea), or listening to Nickelback for 48 hours on end (I kid). I’ve seen the shotgun to the head (and, seriously, guys, don’t do it this way … no funeral director wants to show a shotgun face to your mother).
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In the nearly 15 years I’ve been working in the funeral business, I’ve seen around 60 plus suicide victims. If you’re suicidal, here is some perspective from a funeral director:
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